My life consisted of constant hesitation, no belief in myself or my abilities, always feeling inferior to EVERYONE, horrified to try anything new, horrified to meet anyone new and constant self sabotage with the words “I AM NOT ENOUGH”.
Anxiety had control over my every move. Before ever making any decision I consulted my anxiety first. What ever my anxiety told me to do…I obeyed completely. I never questioned my anxiety, I never looked deeper in to it, I surrendered to it daily and put it’s needs first and foremost above anything else. I was living an empty shell of a life. I disconnected myself from this world in hopes that my anxiety would be kinder to me. I kept thinking if I didn’t provoke my anxiety with new situations that it would happily leave me alone and eventually go away. I was so very wrong. The more that I gave in to my anxiety, the stronger it was getting. The less I would go out, the harder it was to make it out my front door. The less I socialized, the harder socializing became. The less I loved myself, the deeper my self confidence would sink. It became my dirty secret that I worked tirelessly to hide just so that it could get what it wanted. Anxiety wanted complete control of me. It wanted my happiness, it craved my fears, it fed of off my heart racing, my thoughts spiraling out of control and with each devastatingly shallow breath that I would take, it would consume me. It was my reality but I was soon going to learn it was not my truth.
Who was telling me that I was not good enough? Anxiety. Who was telling me that I would be an outcast? Anxiety. Who was assuming that no one could ever love me? Anxiety. Who was robbing me of wonderful opportunities? Anxiety. Guess who had to go? ANXIETY. As soon as I started questioning WHAT was fueling my inhibitions, it became very clear what I needed to work on. For so many years I never even thought that I had anxiety. I wouldn’t even let myself realize that I had a problem. I kept saying well this is who I am, so this is just my life and I have to accept that. BUT NO! It was time to roll up my sleeves and do the dirty work that I never wanted to do. I had to face up to my own lies. I had to call myself out and I needed to make damn sure that my dirty little secret could never steal my life away ever again.
So what did I do? I confessed to the world that I had a problem. I acknowledged openly, candidly and in an incredibly raw and honest way that I was suffering with mental health issues. I refused to be ashamed of it. I refused to hide it. I refused to admit that I struggled with things that others find simple and mindlessly easy. I came out and put all of my weaknesses and all of my fears on the table for all to see. I did not care about judgment anymore because no one had judged me harder then I had judged myself. No one could say anything meaner to me then I had already said to myself. No one could take me lower then I had already taken myself. Rock bottom was the perfect place for me to own up to it ALL.
I had disconnected myself from the world and it had always felt wrong. It was when I opened myself up to people that I felt the old me emerging. It was when I started saying yes to what I knew were positive opportunities that I began to grow and evolve. It was when I focused on bettering my life, loving myself and learning how to care for my delicate heart that I finally started to make progress. This was a transition that blossomed slowly. This was not an over night process but rather baby steps at a pace that I was comfortable with. I realized there is no rush to self realization. I have my entire life to figure this all out and to try to get it right. I will do the best that I can and not measure my personal best against anyone else’s. I refused to compare myself anymore. I am individual and unique and so are you.
So please know you have to go at your own pace. Your recovery and healing journey is unique to you. What works for you may not work for others and vice versa. One thing that I ask is to please be kind to yourself. There will be steps forward and steps back and every single step is important and one that you needed to make. The good and the bad are both equally important in really healing. For a lesson to be learned, sometimes a mistake had to be made first to truly grasp it all. So never think that you are not progressing.
If you desire to have someone who has been down a road similar to yours, who has suffered in the same way that you are and someone who has made it out to the other side, then please go ahead and book a free 20 minute discovery session where you and I can discuss the possible ways that I can guide you step by step towards a life without anxiety holding you back and hesitating to move forward. I am a certified wellness coach and a member of the International Association of Wellness Professionals and I specialize in teaching women how to let go of the limiting beliefs that has fueled anxiety and robbed them of their self love. I have helped countless women take back their life and go after their goals fearlessly. This can and will be your story! Are you ready to take that leap of faith?
Oh my dearest Leigha, this article is why I so love you, you share your personal story to help others. May you continue to be blessed in helping others.
Kelly thank you endlessly for your kind words! Bless you and your beautiful heart!