Anxiety and Low Self Esteem

I knew I had Anxiety but I didn’t quite understand why or where it came from. I knew that in social situations I always felt like I was the odd one out. I always felt like I was not good enough to be there or that whatever I had to say would not be smart enough, funny, or interesting. I psycho analyzed my faults constantly and I was always my own worst critic. I always felt like everything I did was wrong and it became exhausting breaking my own heart with my constant disappointment with the woman I had become. It finally hit me. I had so much anxiety and always felt so nervous because I absolutely had the lowest of self-esteems. I did not have faith in myself and I feared being a failure publicly in the way that I seemed to fail myself daily. My low self-esteem was the root cause of my Anxiety and my lack of self-love was holding me back in my life.

My feelings of low self-worth were not helping me grow in to the woman that I knew I could become. This negative mind state only grew the Anxiety more and fed it daily with each negative thought. I would look in the mirror and only ever acknowledge what was wrong with me and never what was right. I spent more time dissecting myself apart instead of accepting myself for the person I truly was. I always knew I had a beautiful heart and a very deep, kind and loving soul but I did not value these beautiful traits about myself. I felt like society would not see these things past my physical appearance so I did not care for and grow these aspects of myself. I was always the first one to do a good deed, I was always giving and loving but why was it that I could not care for myself so willingly in the same way that I cared for almost perfect strangers? I did not love myself and that had to change. I wanted to change the world for the better but waking up every morning disappointed with myself was not going to get me anywhere. I knew I had to fix myself so that I could help others do the same, so my mission was born within seconds of this very thought.

I needed a mindset make over and I needed it fast. I had heard about positive affirmations and although it seemed silly, I figured at this point anything was worth trying. I started by waking up in the morning and telling myself 3 things that I loved about myself physically, mentally and spiritually. I admit at first it didn’t seem to have much of an affect but after the first week I noticed I started to smile when I thought about these traits. I started to look in the mirror and see these beautiful aspects of myself instead of the negative ones I used to declare and own. I realized as I was accepting the parts I loved about myself, I was actually releasing the old things that I used to not like about myself. Each day I did this practice and as time went on I actually started forgetting about what I didn’t like about myself. I started feeling happier and started valuing what I had to offer this world. I started feeling like I was healing and like I was ready to continue this journey.

I started going to social events feeling like I knew I was good enough to be there and knew that my friendship was one worth investing in. I had become more comfortable in my own skin and this had allowed me to open up to people and really show them who I was. The feedback that I was getting from everyone was providing me with evidence that there was undoubtedly an incredible shift in the person I had let myself become. I realized that this person was always there but I never let her just be. I never let myself just be who I was because at the time I didn’t believe that I was what people wanted. When I realized that I was who I wanted, I stopped caring if people accepted or rejected me, I knew that I had finally reached the truly beautiful point of self-love that I had only once dreamed of. Life was changing in ways that I couldn’t even fathom and I realized that as my self-esteem grew, my Anxiety lessened. I truly saw the direct correlation between the two and I knew that I now possessed the tools to help other women find their beautiful light like I did. I continued implementing positive self loving techniques and practices and I was able to reach a height in my life where there was nothing I would tweak or change in myself. I had learned how to master my life and own who I was and use my qualities to teach others step by step, how to make this life transformation they desired.

If you would like to start the journey to self love and acceptance for the beautiful person that you truly are please email me at benson.leigha@gmail.com to discuss how I can further assist you. You can also visit my blog for further inspiration at www.theanxietydiary.com and keep up to my daily posts on Instagram at www.instagram.com/anxietycoachleigha

Please keep shining your light sincerely,

Leigha Benson